Recently, we’ve heard “Love Yourself.” The relationship you have with yourself is an important part of your wellness journey. Although it may seem that every celebrity or influencer is promoting self-love but few provide guidance on how to do it. Lack of guidance can be overwhelming for someone who is struggling to love themselves.
Here are five tools that I use to help my clients improve their relationship with themselves as a Wellness Coach.
What is self-love?
Self-love might seem abstract to science, but health summarizes it well:
“Self love… is a state that comes from actions that promote our physical, mental, and spiritual development.” “Self-love is dynamic.”
According to Dr. Khoshaba, self-love doesn’t just mean checking a box. It’s a growing process. Self-love is a process that continues to grow as you do. Self-love, as she sees it, is a practice. Like meditation or yoga, you can grow by engaging repeatedly with the principles involved.
Self-love is a journey that takes time, and each person’s path to self-love will be different. Some common tools will help you in your journey to self-love.
STEPS TO SELF LOVE
Here are five steps that you can follow to help guide your own self-love or your wellness coaching clients.
Mindfulness
It is impossible to change something that you are not aware of. Self-love, like many other aspects of selfwork, begins with mindfulness. It may be uncomfortable to become aware of the times when you are harsh, critical, dismissive or cruel towards yourself, but this is necessary for learning to love yourself. Your patterns can reveal underlying beliefs which are contrary to self-love.
As an example, when I make a small mistake, I call myself a fool. But mistakes are part of being human, and they don’t make me any less intelligent or competent. To begin changing the habit, it was important to become aware of it.
Self-Care
We take care when we love something. This is especially true if the thing can’t take care itself. Plants, pets, children, and homes are all good examples. It’s not obvious, but caring for something builds love and responsibility. If you are struggling to love yourself, it is time to increase your self-care. Self-care that is meaningful focuses on your fundamental needs as a human being.
Imagine that as an adult you are responsible for the little kid version of you. What do you need as a little kid? Probably all the obvious needs are nourishing food, water, safety, and sleep. Some needs are less obvious. There are many examples: comfort and understanding, running and climbing trees, someone who can help you understand the world when things seem confusing, fun and interest, learning and growing, or even just someone to listen.
We have the same needs as the younger version of ourselves to thrive. Self-care is the foundation for practicing self-love.
Create a sense of safety
Safety is an important need. However, it can be possible to feel safe physically and not have the same sense of security. When you love something, it will be kept safe. Not just physically, but also emotionally, socially, and psychologically. Not feeling safe can be characterized by anxiety, fear and trauma that has not been integrated.
You may begin to notice situations or people who are not putting your wellbeing first. We advocate for physical, mental, and emotional safety.
Boundaries become necessary when toxic relationships are no longer tolerated. You will no longer tolerate those who take advantage of you, because it hurts something you value: yourself.
Feed your sense of self
The “self” is made up of many different aspects. Here are the people we are with our family, friends and on a first date. All are different expressions from the same person. Self-love is about investing in yourself, outside of the roles or responsibilities that others place on you.
We all have different roles that we play, such as employee, boss or parent. In addition to these identities, we also have the things that we do which affirm who we believe we are. What we do for fun, what we dream about, and our goals are not dictated by others.
We often lose sight of what was once important to us. Passion, purpose and meaning are no longer as important. You will find that as you grow in self-love practice, your actions will become anchors for the self you’re loving.
What are your self-affirming passions, hobbies or activities?
What could you do to reconnect with yourself if you are not sure?
What was your favorite thing when you were five?
What did you tell your 15-year-old self you must do?
Still not sure about it? List the things you want to do and ask your friends for help.
No one wants to explore with you? You can join a group, attend a meeting, or learn the basics of your topic. You can find low-cost courses that cover the basics of your chosen interest.
Step 5: Apply What You’ve Learned and Live Your Life
This concept is applicable to all steps, even though it’s called Step 5. We can reflect on what we are learning, overcome any challenges and use the learnings in the future by taking the time to analyze it. A coach can also help you reflect and process your learning as you grow.
You can review your progress, learn from any mistakes, and determine how to proceed by using a regular journaling or meditation practice.
We’ve all also had plants that we have over-watered or over-trimmed. Recognizing when you have reached a positive place in your wellness or self-love journey and learning to appreciate the fruits of that work is an important part. You can also see the results of your work by integrating and processing it. This will allow you to love yourself and enjoy what you have achieved.
Check out the NASM Certified Wellness Coach Course for more information.
CONCLUSION
Self-love does not mean you will never be unhappy or off. You will learn useful tools for learning, coping and growing through practice. So, when you face challenges, your love for yourself will be more authentic.
You may encounter painful or triggering beliefs through mindfulness and self awareness. A therapist is an invaluable resource when you are working to overcome trauma, mental illness, or growing in love with yourself.